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I pay to live with a sibling and I'm starting to think it's not worth it anymore.

Jrpg_Guy
  • 2 months ago

So after college my mother and sister urged me to move in with her. I believe my mother was upset that we weren't as close as we used to be so she want me to cohabitate. I really didn't want to but I didn't have many options. My dad is a trucker without a place. My mom lives with her employer. So I moved in. It took me a year to find a "job" (that I'm not too proud of). I still work at that job but I'm trying to get a better paying one since a pay cut is coming. Ever since I worked at the job I paid $100 per week to stay at the house. I also buy groceries from time to time and do a chore here and there. But now to get on with my issues.

She's being an (expletive) to me. She complains that I'm not doing the chores right and that she'll fine me for not doing them the way she wants them done. I don't stack dishes to the ceiling or fill up the garbage bag everyday because I'm out and about for a good chunk of the day. I barely eat anything there and when I do I use foam cups and paper plates. I also don't have a room. I have an air mattress that I use in the kitchen. So I pay $400-$500 a month for an air mattress, toilet and shower and I'm chastised for doing chores wrong. Chores that I don't even believe I should do.

I'm thinking about moving. I already have a list of possible apartments. I thought to myself for $100-$200 more I can get my own place and not have to get ordered around. It may be a struggle (especially since I might have to buy insurance, tax season and no furniture) but I think it's worth it. If I cut the daily junk food and subscriptions I may be able to pull thru.

Summary aside I wanted to ask. Do you think I'm in the wrong?

Comments

  • 2 months ago
  • 6 points

I'd get a better job and start saving ASAP. Stay there another maybe 6 months and bank money so you can be comfortable moving out. It would be worse than it is now to move, struggle, not make it, and have to go crawling back.

What degree have you got? What industry are you trying to work in?

  • 2 months ago
  • 1 point

Business management. :( My dumb (bleep) didnt consider that I didnt need a business degree to get a business permit or bank account. Wished I went into the medical industry. They're earning the big bucks. Hopefully I can open a franchise or something soon.

  • 2 months ago
  • 2 points

Whats your career goal, both short and long term?

You can do a lot with a business degree. My wife makes a TON of money in cybersecurity and she has a business degree.

Just start applying to any career-type jobs you want to do and see what happens. It takes a LONG time to get a job after college. I applied to hundreds of jobs before I got one when I graduated (2014).

  • 2 months ago
  • 1 point

I want to start a business and if not by scratch, at least a franchise. I had many summer jobs in my teens but nothing serious

  • 2 months ago
  • 4 points

No, you're absolutely in the right on this. Your sibling is most certainly being an (explitive). If they're so picky over the chores being done 100% how they want it, how come they never do it themselves, or show you or anything, instead of just whining and threatening a fee? Plus, no room and literally living in the kitchen, can't be good for your quality of life at all.

  • 2 months ago
  • 3 points

Now im not saying they dont do chores but to threaten me with a fine for not putting the dishes away? That may be the straw that broke the camels back.

  • 2 months ago
  • 2 points

Is it THEIR dishes, or YOUR dishes? If it's THEIR dishes, yeah they're nutty

  • 2 months ago
  • 1 point

Yep theirs

  • 2 months ago
  • 3 points

Lol they're a nut and treating you as if you're a slave or servant. Get outta there

  • 2 months ago
  • 3 points

Honestly, I would say F### OFF to that family and go find a nicer place to live. Good luck finding a place out of that h### hole.

  • 2 months ago
  • 3 points

Yeah man just get out of there

It's completely unfair to you

  • 2 months ago
  • 3 points

“Do you think I'm in the wrong?”

For moving into your own place? Not at all! I actually have a similar plan, but I have to wait until I’m 18 to be able to do it.

  • 2 months ago
  • 3 points

I believe my mother was upset that we weren't as close as we used to be

Fair enough.

so she want me to cohabitate

Ohhhh no. Bad conclusion. Being essentially forced to live together does NOT help.

$100 per week

That's low rent if it includes utilities. But...

air mattress in the kitchen

$400-$500

Where is that extra money coming from? Are you actually paying a share of utilities? Also, that is not a reasonable accommodation for the amount you are paying. Your family can bugger off if they think this is somehow completely normal and acceptable.

fined for not doing dishes correctly dishes that, if I'm reading correctly, you didn't create

This is a giant red flag. You aren't a roommate. You are an indentured servant, living in the kitchen expected to work and pay for your meager accommodations.

I think it's worth it.

Yes. Get out. It doesn't even have to be an apartment by yourself if you can't afford it. Do some cheap meal prep and cut the Netflix if you have to. See if you can get a foot in the door at a holiday position at a retailer if you have to for up front costs.

Do you think I'm in the wrong?

No. Don't feel guilty for wanting to be treated like an equal human being by your family.

  • 2 months ago
  • 3 points

$400-500 a month for those accommodations? That's not right, you're paying too much. Plus you are doing what I believe are your sister's dishes, not yours since

I barely eat anything there and when I do I use foam cups and paper plates

No, that's not worth it at all. Get out.

You are not in the wrong. Get yourself your own place, and it's better to feel you are in control of your own life.

As a side note, try to cut on phone bills. I don't have any data, and only have call/text. (ultra might have a $3 plan per month that does this, otherwise get by using a free vpn and free wifi)

  • 2 months ago
  • 3 points

You should move out and pay a bit of a premium for your sanity and freedom. Personally i think it'd be better if you slept on the floor of a cheap apartment by yourself rather than laying on an air mattress around toxic people.

I'd leave ASAP and if they threaten anything like a fee for something so frivolous like not doing a chore per their terms that weren't laid out on paper, just live in your car for a few days, not sure where you live but if you live in one of the big cities you could live at a homeless shelter for a short while if need be.

If you could make it out 6 months start saving heavily then move out.

  • 2 months ago
  • 3 points

You are not wrong. You got this!

  • 2 months ago
  • 3 points

Listening to your situation I don't think you are wrong at all. It actually seems both normal and quite sensible to want to be out of a situation where you are having to put up with less than ideal conditions, which sleeping in a kitchen would certainly qualify as and also where you don't feel respected i.e. being criticised for the way you do chores etc..

You also mentioned it took you a year to find a job and you're not too proud of this. Well let me tell you there are plenty of people who don't have jobs or have never worked at all. You are earning your own money and making a contribution to society, you should be proud of yourself!

What I would say about your situation is that it's difficult when it comes to family. Everyone's family is different and everyone's relationship with their family is unique, but I think you love them and care about them, then you have to be honest them with about what's right for you. If they love and care about you then they'll understand.

So, I think you should talk to them about the way you are feeling. Maybe they'll make an effort to treat you with more respect or even find you a proper bedroom etc.. or perhaps help and support you to find a place of your own. But I think if you're unhappy then you can't let things go on like this, nobody should continue on in a situation where they aren't happy.

  • 2 months ago
  • 3 points

Yeah get out of there that is nonsense. Rental insurance is cheap, and furniture is largely not needed. $400+ for an air mattress in a kitchen? That's absurd, your sister should be ashamed.

Your sanity is worth it. When my gf and I moved into our first apartment we had no furniture but an air mattress for the first 6 months. We were gifted some furniture by family.

Do you have a car? I know someone making decent money doing Postmates, maybe you can do stuff like that on the side.

  • 2 months ago
  • 2 points

furniture is largely not needed.

My living room hasn't had any furniture in it for 4 months now. I can certainly attest to this.

  • 2 months ago
  • 1 point

I'm definitely the odd man out with a fully furnished house. Lol

What I'm missing is any real decorations/wall art with the exception of one painting.

  • 2 months ago
  • 2 points

Lol, nice.

  • 2 months ago
  • 1 point

No car but searching.

  • 2 months ago
  • 2 points

siblings suck

  • 2 months ago
  • 2 points

I'd recommend trying to find a room to rent. Usually the terms are really lax and the cost is doable. You might even end up paying less.

  • 2 months ago
  • 1 point

What site do you recommend getting a room from?

  • 2 months ago
  • 2 points

Apartments.com has the ability to find single room rentals.

[comment deleted]

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