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How to talk/introduce myself to girls (or heck new people in general)

Haze159

3 months ago

Hey folks. I've never been the most social person, and I didn't have many friends in high school. I have too much "social anxiety" to try to make new friends or even try to get a girlfriend. I asked a girl to prom last year and she rejected me which really shot down my confidence. Anyway, I was at work today and this girl walked in and something about her made me want to talk to her and try to get her number, but I couldn't get myself to do it. Idk why. I really wanted to. Idk, I just can't figure out the right approach or how to introduce myself to someone I don't know or even someone I do know. I don't know if this is really appropriate for this forum but I really don't know what to do...

Comments

  • 3 months ago
  • 7 points

So, the first part. If you're going into conversations with women just with the intent of only just a relationship and not treating them as a regular person, as seems to be implied by the wording of your post, that's not gonna work. Especially if anyone picks up on that, they're gonna get a bit uncomfortable.

Just talk to them normally like you would to someone of any gender, and let romantic relationships happen when they happen. No need to think of them as a separate category of person.

As for the new people in general part, that can be a bit more situational, so I don't necessarily have advice there.

  • 3 months ago
  • 7 points

"Hello there!"

  • 3 months ago
  • 3 points

"General Kenobi, I have been expecting you."

  • 3 months ago
  • 1 point

"Good morning, comrade"

  • 3 months ago
  • 2 points

Привет, товарищ!

Just look it up, its russian

  • 3 months ago
  • 3 points

Just try to make casual conversation and try not to seem awkward or shifty. Betraying your emotions at the start can really put someone else off. Try to find a common interest, but don't push for it; you don't want to seem forceful in establishing a connection.

  • 3 months ago
  • 3 points

When people are doing or talking about something they truly love and enjoy they give off positive energy that is like a magnet for anyone around. People are drawn to this positive energy which is making you so happy.

So my advice would be if you around people you wish to meet always be doing or talking about something you are passionate about and let others see that your passionate about it.

Even better still, if you can talk to them about it, let them share in your positive feelings.

You'll totally forget any anxiety you had and leave others feeling that they had a positive experience when they were around you, creating feelings they wish to repeat.

  • 3 months ago
  • 1 point

You need to be careful about talking about your passions. A lot of talk about yourself can be a negative thing. If talking to a woman... or anyone really, make sure to be focused on what they are saying. Phone is in pocket, not even in your hand.

  • 3 months ago
  • 1 point

Perhaps I should have been more clear about was I suggesting. When people are feeling socially awkward, often they won't know what to do with themselves, they may become self-conscious about what's going on with their hands, where to look, forgetting what they wish to say etc..

We've all seen this in operation and most people walking by are less likely to wish to talk the person looking uncomfortable. By contrast, imagine who we are drawn to, the people looking happy, excited, interested, confident etc.. These people appear so much more approachable, they are interesting and their happiness and excitement makes us feel better just by seeing them, excitement is infectious!

But positiveness comes from genuine passion & interest, not a desire to give anyone passing by a 3 hour lecture on you! It's about just doing or talking about the thing you love and being willing to include others, not incessantly talking about yourself and becoming a bore.

Being interested in others and their questions & curiosity is also an obvious prerequisite, because as much as we all enjoy talking about ourselves, popular people are also ones who have genuine interest in others and their thoughts & opinions.

  • 3 months ago
  • 2 points

“I have too much ‘social anxiety’ to try to make new friends”

I do not understand. Are they better than you in some way? If you believe so: what you should do is sit down and write out what qualities you think best in a man, or yourself. Then, identify two or three of these qualities that can be changed and make plans to improve them in yourself. There’s no reason to lack confidence if you are great in your own eyes.

“she rejected me which really shot down my confidence.”

Why though?

“something about her made me want to talk to her”

Was she expounding upon her grand plan to unite Benelux? That certainly would do it!

  • 3 months ago
  • 2 points

Smile and ask her a question about something, then you don't have to start talking she will, hopefully. Sometimes you have to just do stuff, that's life, you say ef it that is the best thing to do and you do it. You are not always going to be right or win, but you can't go through life sitting on the couch. Be smart and do the right thing. This is no big deal just smile and start talking, the worst thing she will do is kick you where it counts and run away screaming, lol : D, of course not, but do you get what I am saying. If she doesn't want to talk who cares, no big deal, and should not be to you either. Say have a nice day and roll, try again later. Don't feel rejected, maybe she is having a bad day you have no way of knowing. There is a lot of fish in the sea. In fact you should practice on women you don't like that well, practice small talk, be nice to them, it never hurts to do that. Being nice to people can really pay off big, never discount it, and its free for you to do, you win or are even but you can't lose. When I was in college I had to do 2 presentations a week, and I was not into public speaking. Let me tell you, I might be the best but that got everyone in practice pretty quick.

  • 3 months ago
  • 1 point

Find something about/on the person to give a compliment. It could be their shoes, hat, jacket - but don't get too personal as in jewelry or something small. It implies you are looking very closely at them. But make sure it is something you genuinely find interesting - or the fake gesture/interest will be noticeable.

Also, don't dip your pen in the company inkwell. If the girl/woman walking in is an employee, do not take interest in her. It will just be trouble.

Trying to get her number because she walked in? Ok, I understand the thinking (the wiring of the male brain), but at least find out more about her. She could be married or ?? or she has an annoying laugh.

  • 3 months ago
  • 1 point

Hi everyone

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